Shooting the Wounded

2012 Viewing Diary, No. 25

KICKING & SCREAMING (d. Noah Baumbach, 1995)

I loved this, Noah Baumbach’s debut feature (not to be confused with the abysmal Will Ferrell soccer dad outing.) I was a fan of The Squid & the Whale and Greenberg, but this is superior. It’s very 90s, but excruciatingly funny (especially Chris Eigeman) if you have the stomach for the Gen-X dialogue and general aimlessness. Bonus: Cara Buono, pre-Dr. Faye from Mad Men.

2012 Viewing Diary, No. 24

DINER (d. Barry Levinson, 1982)

Mildly engaging until the film abruptly ends with everyone’s collective problems being solved (or just completely forgotten about), this was mostly interesting to me as it was the first time I’d seen pre-comeback-era Mickey Rourke. He certainly resembles his current self, but sounds nothing like him – he reminded me of Bruce Willis.

Way behind on this little project. By last count, I’m up to 68 films viewed. 

2012 Viewing Diary, No. 23

JOHN CARTER (d. Andrew Stanton, 2012)

[Full disclosure: I won free passes to an advance screening of the film. Another friend entered the same contest, and though he didn’t get tickets, he is the real winner.]

There’s a scene about 40 minutes into John Carter, after its rushed trio of beginnings, where a four-armed Martian Thark, voiced by Willem Dafoe, crosses two of his arms and puts the other two on his hips. It’s a a throwaway visual touch, but it’s stuck with me as the thing I liked the most about the film. So, yeah, I didn’t really like John Carter.

In a lot of ways, it makes sense that Andrew Stanton, one of Pixar’s first directors and the one who brought us their best film (WALL-E) would direct an extremely CG-heavy sci-fi epic. It seems a clearer fit than Brad Bird, another Pixar stalwart, taking on the Mission: Impossible franchise last year, though that transition paid off in spades. So it’s disappointing that his first live-action feature is such an unimaginative chore to sit through.

The opening narration tells us that most people think Mars is devoid of life. But they’re wrong! It’s full of life. (There’s that out of the way.) Mars is not called Mars, it’s called Barsoom, which is the least non-sensical of all the made-up words you’ll hear over the course of 132 minutes. There isn’t enough gravitas on this planet or Barsoom to make a lot of the names work, or even be memorable (at best, they sound like nonsense; at worst, like a collection of breathy syllables strung together at random.)

So: Barsoom is in the midst of civil war between the people of Helium and another city, whose name escapes me, led by Dominic West in another stunning display of his agent’s poor judgement. During a battle, West is visited by three bald-headed, robed beings from the sky led by Mark Strong, who hand over a blue slinky that gives him unmatched destructive power. Strong spends the rest of the film whispering in in West’s ear about how to use it and what do next. 

Meanwhile in the late 1800’s, John Carter is searching for a cave of gold and trying to avoid being conscripted by Bryan Cranston, who post-Walter White will forever look unnatural with hair. Through circumstances that are merely hinted at due to sequel plans, Carter finds the cave but also one of the bald-headed sky-beings in it, and ends up being transported to Barsoom. Naturally, he is the one man who can end the civil war between Helium and Not-Helium, even if he doesn’t want to accept this.

Screenwriters: there is nothing more frustrating than watching a film where the protagonist spends a full 3/4 of the running time pouting or defiantly casting aside his duties as the hero. This isn’t a new trend, though it’s reached its peak with the glut of superhero and comic book adaptations over the last decade. Hero is given powers/responsibility that he/she doesn’t want to use, typically because of some past trauma or experience where he/she used said powers/responsibility and it brought harm. 

Here, Carter is haunted by the death of his wife and son after taking up “the cause” (should there ever be a drinking game for John Carter, this phrase would be the one to bring on alcohol poisoning) and fighting for the Confederate army. “I was too late once; I won’t be again,” Carter seethes when he finally accepts his fate, but by then it’s too late for us to really care.

Like the main story arc, there’s a pervasive sense that we’ve seen this all before. The closest visual touchstone would be the Star Wars prequels and Avatar; everything looks expensive but empty, putting some of the best special effects in the business to lazy use. Like Avatar’s Na’vi, the Tharks are made to resemble tribal natives. The humans of Mars are dressed like the ancient Romans. Even the beast that Carter has to fight in yet another alien gladiatorial arena are “great white apes,” so, you know, apes, but bigger, and they have two other legs, because Mars Barsoom. But perhaps this is because the Barsoom novels has had such an influence on George Lucas and James Cameron, and they simply got to present their vision first (Carter has languished in development hell for decades, with plans for adaptation dating back as far as 1931.) 

I will say I was surprised by one thing: the level of gore in an obstensibly family feature. I say this from a place of confusion, not prudishness. The only reason this film escaped an R-rating (there are onscreen dismemberments and decapitations) is because the blood of Barsoom’s people is bright cerulean blue. Carter is soaked in it head to toe in more than one scene. Not only does this further highlight the absurdity of the MPAA rating system, but it forces me to wonder, “Who is this film for?” Those gore-hungry parents stuck bringing their kids to a matinee, apparently. 

Leaving the theatre, I overheard a man enthusiastically say to his family, “It was really different!” I couldn’t disagree more.

2012 Viewing Diary, No. 22

FIVE EASY PIECES (d. Bob Rafelson, 1970)

This is the film that announced Jack Nicholson as an actor, which surprises me given how thoroughly unlikeable his character is. He plays an unmotivated, unsatisfied drifter who keeps his talents as a concert pianist secret, and instead floats from blue collar job to blue collar job. He’s an jerk to his girlfriend, constantly belittling and cheating on her. And by the end of the film, he’s completely unchanged. It’s remarkable (and slightly exasperating) to see a film where this is the narrative arc of the lead character. He simply exists, which, from what I gleaned in my reading after seeing it, was meant to reflect the American male post-Vietnam, aimless and unsure of his role in the world. Context is everything.

This vibe permeates the film, too, and it suffers for it. It’s worth seeing, though, for a scene at a diner in which Nicholson can’t get the exact breakfast order he’s looking for. One of the great cinematic asshole scenes.

2012 Viewing Diary, No. 21

AN EDUCATION (d. Lone Scherfig, 2009)

Missed out on this during its original award buzz. It’s easy to see why Carey Mulligan is enjoying her current success; she’s really the only thing worth seeing this for. She’s perfectly suited for the role: a student whose baby-faced appearance belies her maturity and knowledge. That seems to be Mulligan in a nutshell. She looks so delicate, but when she opens her mouth, there’s this woman that speaks.

2012 Viewing Diary, No. 20

MOTHER (d. Joon Ho-Bong, 2009)

Despite the marketing, this is less a horror film than it is a mystery. Certainly, there are horrific elements to it, but they’re in short supply. A developmentally delayed young adult is arrested for murder, and his overprotective mother sets out to clear his name, slowly revealing just how far she’ll go to do so. 

This was quite excellent, with a neat blend of suspense and humour, and lots of clever visual red herrings (there’s one in the opening scene that I thought would come back with violent results, but no such luck.)